So I’m a little slow to provide my thoughts on the first episode, but in my defence, the show wasn’t available on Discovery+ for me until Monday. And during the week, who has time to watch 90 minutes of TV?
Some people might, but I’m not one of them. Anyway, I soldiered through, and I’m glad I did. In classic TLC fashion, I am dying for the result of the two main cliff-hangers.
What happened when Mohamed walked into the Diner to meet Danielle? More to the point, why did she even meet that scumbag? (More on that in a bit.)
Also, will the super cute, 20-something waitress say yes to a date with Big Ed? I know what my money’s on – yes, if she’s aware of how big a TV personality he’s become. Nah, I’m just kidding.
Seriously, though, why does he sit there telling his friends he’s not attracted to women his own age and prefers 20-somethings? Any straight man would probably prefer to pursue a woman half their age for the ego boost of having arm candy. It’s at least a fantasy.
But Ed, just because you want a woman half your age, that does not mean they will fall at your feet. And are you really 55 – but need help to get up the guts to ask someone out? How were you married before? How did you cheat on your wife before? How did you make a baby with your wife? There must have been SOME talking involved in the past. So why the ‘oh I’m so shy’ act?
Also, nice plug of your merch, drinking out of your Big Ed cup during your meeting with your friends.
Speaking of friends, is it just me or are people piggybacking off others’ fame in this season so far? First we have Brittany’s friend following her into the sex store and giving his sassy opinion of how his friend needs to take care of herself (let’s not even get into the X-rated bombshell Brittany dropped about what she and Yazan got up to when they were together).
On a side note, did Yazan really cheat on her when she went back to the US? I find that hard to believe. Sure, he should have made it clear he’d prefer her to convert if she was going to be with him in Jordan, but apart from that, he was an absolute gentleman to her.
All she did over there was refuse to understand how Jordan works, get drunk in the street, dress completely inappropriately for the culture and demand that Yazan gives up everything to satisfy her.
Anyway, returning to the friends thing, another group of try-hards, in my opinion, is Danielle’s sudden group of best pals who have popped up to take her out to Ocean City and get her some action.
I don’t doubt that Danielle has a lovely personality, and I feel bad for her that she’s now living by herself – last time we saw her she had a decent house with her kids – but these friends are much younger and, I hate to say it, better looking – on a purely ‘looks dictated by Hollywood standards’ viewpoint.
So why are they friends with her? She sticks out like a sore thumb in photos with them. It just looks like they’re in it for the money. I’m sorry, but why else? We’ve never seen them before.
The bigger question I have about Danielle, though, is why on EARTH is she entertaining texts from Mohamed after three entire years? He told everyone during their Tell-All that her V smelled and ‘no man would want to have sex with her!’ We all remember how Loren gasped in horror that he would even say something like that in public. Why didn’t she react in the same way? By, I don’t know, blocking him and pushing him out of her life?
Instead, she’s sitting there reading his texts about how he’s in Ohio and wouldn’t mind meeting up with a stupid grin on her face like a love-struck teenager. This guy went to Florida the moment he was able to stay in the US with any degree of permanency, and struck up a relationship with some blonde woman.
Now he’s living the American dream, driving a truck and seeing the country, with a decent Instagram following to boot – and he’s on the verge of getting his green card so, surprise surprise, he’s hitting up Danielle again?
I get it, lady. You don’t want to be alone, and the thought of reuniting with a young, good looking man is the stuff of dreams. But do you really want someone who is using you and ready to embarrass you on camera? Is it really worth it?
It makes me sad that, for Danielle, it looks like that really is the price she’s willing to pay to have a man on her arm.
Don’t even get me started on Colt. There’s no doubt Larissa was bad news, but the dude needs to stop living with his mother. He also needs to stop scooping up cat litter indoors. It’s so unhygienic….
What’s worse, though, is him sitting at speed dating and telling people he’s got six cats, lives with his mom and is unemployed. Please tell me that was just for the cameras. I understand honesty is the best policy, but you don’t need to phrase it like that.
Much as I try and tell myself I don’t need to watch this rubbish, I will no doubt be tuning in next week to see how the cute waitress rejected Ed, cover my eyes as I watch Molly pose in lingerie again and yell at the screen while Danielle swoons over Mohamed.
Until next time…